she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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