Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
