soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
