called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
