Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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