If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
