Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
