Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
