Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
