Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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