Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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