Christians are straight up FREAKS
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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