Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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