we have officially lost it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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