I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
