first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
