You just made me feel so damn special
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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