Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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