how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
