and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
