so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
