just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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