there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
