google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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