my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
