i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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