you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
