Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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