Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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