we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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