i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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