Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
