He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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