dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
