If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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