Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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