Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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