shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
