2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
