Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
