Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
