We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
