can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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