Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
