literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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