Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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