my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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