from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
