i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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