my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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