I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
