now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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