It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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