11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
