I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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