Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
