So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
