you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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